Harry gets laid
by Princesses That Rock
Summary: this sucks. read it and weep. literally.


One day, Kendy was giving birth to what she thought to be Malfoy's baby. Her   
beautiful, blonde, silky, shiny hair was matted around her beautiful,   
porcelain, perfect head as her beautiful, perfect, skinny body was giving   
birth to a beautiful, healthy, wonderful baby with..BRIGHT GREEN EYES!   
  
"Oh my God, Malfoy, it isn't your baby, it's...it's...HARRY'S!" she cried.   
  
Harry waltzed into the room.   
"Oh Kendy, I'm so happy!" He starts to cry. "See, Malfoy? We're soulmates for   
REAL!"   
  
As Kendy sat on her bed, Candy walked in.   
  
"So Candy, I won the guy, he's my soulmate, you just run along" Kendy says,   
admiring her golden engagement ring, the same color as her beautiful hair,   
and encrusted with sparkling emeralds, the same color as her baby and darling   
Harry's eyes.   
  
Then Malfoy grabbed the baby, and starts to run out the door, but Harry does   
the abra cadabra spell on him and Malfoy dies, but so does the baby!   
  
  
Kendy starts to cry. Harry holds her. "We don't need a baby, we can run away   
together and shag until the dawn breaks!!!!!"   
  
They run away together.   
  
"But wait, Harry, how can we taunt Candy?" asks Kendy.   
  
"Well, let's go and flaunt it in her face! Even though we were about to get   
married and you said I did it out of pity..."   
  
Kendy shook her mane of silky hair, and as if by a supernatural force   
possessed only by her and Harry, as they were soulmates and lived next door   
to each other, Kendy's figure was back to normal, even after just giving   
birth. Everyone said she looked like Claudia Schiffer now. They walked out   
the room.   
  
"We must go and tell Dumbledore!" said Harry, holding Kendy's hand that had   
the beautiful engagement ring on it. Kendy started to cry as Dumbledore   
looked at them.   
  
She threw herself at the old man, body racking with sobs and choked out, "You   
were always like a father to me!"   
  
He stroked her silky, shiny, beautiful hair.   
  
"Do not cry, Kendy. You always know you were my favorite, you sweet,   
innocent, perfect, beautiful girl!"   
  
Just then someone walked in holding their baby. "It wasn't actually dead!   
Just sleeping."   
  
"How sweet and innocent!"   
  
  
Kendy grabbed the baby to her perfect chest, kissed it's perfect head, and   
handed it to Dumbledore.   
  
"Will you be his godfather???"   
  
Dumbledore nodded, and began crying.   
  
"The last thing Draco said was that he loved you so much he thought that he   
was going to kill himself every time he looked at your beautiful porcelain   
complexion. He was truly your slave."   
  
So Harry and Kendy and the baby jumped on a broom and flew into the sunset.   
  
"I love you!!" said Kendy as she kissed Harry.   
  
  
And Harry started to kiss her and they forgot they were on a broom!   
  
  
Harry grinned and cuddled the baby, "It's as beautiful as my lovely   
fiancee."   
  
So they landed in the Muggle world at a posh hotel that they couldn't afford   
but magically could, and waltz into their suite.   
  
"Oh it's overlooking the pool, and the ocean, and Jupiter, and the rose   
gardens!"   
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh....." said Kendy, and put the baby in a cradle that   
happened to be right there. "Let's look around!!"   
  
Suddenly, they were transported to a room where Britney was playing non stop,   
and a water bed and pink roses littered the floor. Kendy was suddenly in a   
bikini, which complemented her marvelous physique.   
  
  
"Ooohhh Harrry!!!! Look! It matches with my perfect pink rose bud lips! I   
love tiny pink bikinis!"   
  
Kendy begam to twirl to the music, and Harry applauded, tears streaming down   
his face at the sight of her.   
  
"Do you think I look like BRITNEY??" said Kendy, striking a pose.   
  
"You ARE Britney", he grinned, and was suddenely in his underwear.   
  
"Ooooooohhhh Harry you're so BUFF and FINE!" said Kendy, who then blushed.   
"Did I say that out loud?"   
  
"I think so, but nothing you say could ever embarrass you, you're so lovely.   
Come sit wit me on the water bed."   
  
They sat together on the waterbed, water lapping underneath their perfect   
butts. Kendy twirled a pink rose in her fingers.   
  
"I'm so happy, Harry!" she cried.   
  
"I am merely putty compared to you. I don't deserve you."   
  
"Harry! Don't TALK like that! You are nothing but a SLUG compared to me!   
Let's do it. baby."   
  
Kendy embraced Harry.   
  
Harry was sent into spinning ecstasy at her smile. He yelped, and immediately   
rushed out to buy her more and more gifts, more gifts for his perfect fiancee.   
  
"Look what I got!" He cried, rushing into the suite once again, still in his   
underwear. "A bottle of wine....it was so expensive but I'd buy the world for   
you, Kendy, because your my SOULMATE!"   
  
They both toasted their glasses and drank the wine.   
  
The baby began to cry, but it sounded like larks and sparrows calling.   
  
Kendy rushed up and grabbed the baby to her barely clad chest.   
  
"It's soooo beautiful," she purred. Harry got chills down his spine.   
  
"What shall we name it?"   
  
"What about Kendarry?"   
  
"Or Beauty?"   
  
"Or BRITNEY?"   
  
I know!" cried Kendy. "Kendarry Beauty Britney Potter!"   
  
"But wait!" said Harry. "What if it is....my SON?"   
  
"Of course its a girl. It has my physique and beauty," insisted Kendy.   
  
"Besides," she said to Harry. "I gave birth by myself. I'm so smart and   
perfect I did it all, and my beautiful hair wasn't hurt a bit!"   
  
She put the baby back in it's cradle, and then proceeded to shake her lovely   
mass of hair.   
  
Harry whimpered and kissed her.   
  
Kendy kissed Harry back. "You're so strong!"   
  
"You're utterly perfect."   
  
They proceeded to have the best sex they'd ever had, and everyone was so   
intrigued they wanted to join in.   
  
So then Harry jumped up and left his perfect fiancee on the bed, and everyone   
screamed, and he kicked their sorry butts out of the suite.   
  
Kendy was so shocked, that she went overt to the window and opened it.   
  
"Good-bye," she choked.   
  
Harry grabbed Kendy. "No, Kendy! I love you too much....you're my soul mate,   
remember?" his voice cracked.   
  
"Oka-" but before she could finish, Candy and Mandy, who were hiding on the   
other side, grabbed her and pulled her over.   
  
She let out a scream and fell into the rose bushes, naked as the day she was   
born.   
  
"HOW COULD YOU?" screamed Harry.   
  
Candy kicked him.   
  
"She was a bitch," Mandy shrugged, which Candy nodded.   
  
Harry shrugged. "You guys wanna come in for a beer?"   
  
"Hey, sure!" The walked in and drank.   
  
After they were perfectly giddy, the baby began crying. One slender, white,   
perfectly manicured hand grabbed the end of the balcony. There stood Kendy,   
hair waving in the air, wearing a dress of roses that she made herself.   
  
"How COULD you! You were plotting to steal Harry!"   
  
Mandy wobbled to her feet and drunkenly threw a beer bottle at Kendy. She   
missed. In the corner, Harry and Candy, who were making out, stopped and   
stared up.   
  
"A clown!" said Candy drunkenly. Kendy decided to impress them with her   
juggling skills by juggling the baby, the beer bottle that Mandy threw, and a   
parrot.   
  
Candy and Harry went at it again, and Mandy laughed hysterically, jumping on   
the water bed.   
  
Kendy pouted. "Hey! I wasn't DONE yet!"   
  
Kendy slipped and dropped the baby. Mandy jumped so hard on the bed that it   
burst, and soaked Kendy, who was crying in the corner.   
  
  
Kendy wailed. "Harry, I thought you LOVED me!"   
  
Harry took his tongue...among other things, out of Candy's mouth long enough   
to say, "Well....nah.... Yo were always a little....on the ugly side."   
  
Horrified, Kendy danced to Britney to cheer herself up.   
  
Mandy threw another beer bottle at the stereo and it broke. Then she laughed   
maniacally, and pushed Kendy out of the window again.   
  
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" screamed Kendy as she splashed into the pool.   
  
Mandy, Harry and Candy all started to laugh maniacally, jumped on their   
broomsticks and flew into the sky. Harry forgot that he had slipped on his   
thong in the craziness of everything and blushed furiously.   
  
Candy and Mandy were laughing hysterically at this, covering up the fact that   
THEY had put their thongs on in the craziness of things.   
  
Then they both stood up on their brooms and danced to the thong song as they   
hurled through the air on the brooms.   
  
The music was magically there because none other than Malfoy was flying   
towards them on his broom and had attached his stereo to his broom!   
  
And he was wearing a thong and screamed, "I LOVE VEGAS, BABY!"   
  
Crashing into a tree, that was the end of Mandy and Candy. Kendy used her   
supernatural powers to fly up onto Harry's broomstick, where they apologized   
and kissed tenderly, the perfect end to the perfect day   
  
&nb! sp;   
  
  
! Kendy Potter, love of Harry's life.   
  



End file.
